A walk in the clouds

While I was couch surfing today, working on logo designs and a home management binder project I was watching A walk in the clouds. One particular scene in the movie the Grandfather is talking to Keanu Reeves’ character Paul and he says something rather profound. He tells him what do newlyweds do but make love, and war. He also talks about the fact that all things get better with age. That is without a doubt some really, really good advice. The things that turn out to be the most successful often just take time. In the movie he is talking about Brandy that he had bottled twenty one years prior, but he is comparing age, marriage, and time to indicate to Keanu that no matter what is going on at the moment putting in the time and effort can result in some pretty awesome results. Often in marriage, at the first sign of trouble we begin to spiral into the lies that society, our minds, our pasts, or even the devil would have us believe about our current circumstances. Often if we reflect on some of our most embarrassing arguments it’s easy now on this side of them to see either where we were wrong, overreacted, or had we just given more benefit of the doubt could have been avoided all together. I once had a pastor tell me, “Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see.” He had quite a bit of age on him, wisdom comes from years of pouring into truth and not just running off immediately at the first sign of trouble often making the situation worse, or jumping to conclusions. I’ve been reading a book this past month called, Keep showing up. In the book she talks about how problems in relationships are often related to three issues, baggage, expectations, and perceptions

Often the emotional baggage we carry into our relationships, either from our experiences growing up with regard to our childhood, or past intimate relationships can affect greatly how we look at our current situation with our spouse. It is imperative that we are honest with ourselves about that emotional baggage so it doesn’t begin to harm our spouse. Emotional baggage comes in the form of how we behave when our spouse treats us a certain way, or responds a certain way, that may send off flares that send us right back to the previous treatments from our childhood or a previous relationship that may have ended poorly.

Expectations, a tricky thing that can get us easily in to trouble. These things can come from movies, past relationships, what we’ve witnessed of other relationships around us and so much more. Often when I feel my heart most yearning for my husband to step up and into a different way of performing I have to reign in on what my mind is focusing on. Have I been watching too much Hallmark, or reading too much Nicholas Sparks? When I find my heart constantly searching for more, or different it can be because unrealistic expectations have leaked into my heart. Communication is key when it comes to expectations, one of the pieces of advice that I often pass along to others struggling with expectations for their significant other is, “have you communicated these expectations to them?” A friend of mine was upset about her significant other having seemingly brushed off Valentine’s Day, he had not called her, setup any type of date, or otherwise shared with her any feelings we would typically expect when in a relationship. She on the other hand values Valentine’s day very much, but she had failed to communicate this expectation to her fella which resulted in some pretty bitter feelings. When we are in a relationship we have to realize that our counterpart has very different expectations and feelings just like we do. Our big event may be Valentine’s day, whereas their big event maybe the Super Bowl. IF we don’t communicate these things to one another but then hold them accountable for not performing we have done them no great service and also wounded our relationship.

I once read a quote from Dr. Phil, I’m not entirely sure if he was the author but it is solid advice non the less, Perception is reality, it’s actually one of his “ten laws” which states “there is no reality, only perception. People will believe their perception of things regardless of where the truth may lie. We have to battle our perceptions in order to gain footing in our relationships. If we perceive that our spouses are our enemies instead of focusing on the true enemy of marriage (satan) we will be more apt to attack than attach. Attacking our spouse verses attaching to their heart. We must attach ourselves to their hearts, when we serve them, and love them well we will in turn actually come to be given what we wanted after all. Now you shouldn’t serve out of selfish intentions, but you should focus your energy on loving your spouse in their language with the knowledge that when they feel loved and are thriving that will come back to you also.

Go forward this week with eyes anew.

Love your spouse and battle your emotional baggage, expectations, and your perceptions.

~Tracy

Le premier, de beaucoup

Last July I shut down my previous blog in order to bring back my focus to my family for a bit. As the Spring drew near I felt a yearning to once again share and write about all those I dearly love and spend my life with. My name is Tracy Perry; I am from a small town in eastern N.C. called Rocky Mount. It started out as a very prosperous industrial hub but over the years the industries slowly fizzled and the town was left to claim the title third most dangerous small city in the U.S.

After high school I was off to Greenville, N.C. home of the ECU Pirates. I attended a community college for a while and soon found myself just sort of fumbling through life and then I was blessed with a son. Wyatt was born in 2008 and became the center of my world. Just two months after he was born I began prerequisites for nursing school and in the Fall of 2009 I was accepted into the ADN program at Nash Community College in Rocky Mount. I graduated in 2011, I soon took a job at what is now called Vidant Medical Center in Greenville, N.C. so Wyatt and I found a small apartment on the outskirts of Greenville.

My mom then encouraged me to join Match.com and I rarely checked it, I would occasionally log on and see who was my match of the day. On one particular day when I logged in there he was, Jason, he came up as my MOTD and when I clicked on his profile it told me he worked at the same hospital. Out of curiosity I sent him a message and asked where he worked. Turns out he worked two floors above me, we rode the same elevator to our floors every day. When he responded he also sent a request for dinner which I eventually said yes to and the rest is history. We were married eight months later. The following July we moved across the state to Asheville, N.C. in order to be closer to his daughter. In 2015 and 2017 we added our daughter Evelyn whom we call “Evie” and Andrew whom we call Andy. I sincerely hope you’ll check out the blog often as we are constantly on the move. Our biggest joy a part from our children is renovating our home and yard as well as crafting items for our home.

~Tracy

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Last July I shut down my previous blog in order to bring back my focus to my family for a bit. As the Spring drew near I felt a yearning to once again share and write about all those I dearly love and spend my life with. My name is Tracy Perry; I am from a small town in eastern N.C. called Rocky Mount. It started out as a very prosperous industrial hub but over the years the industries slowly fizzled and the town was left to claim the title third most dangerous small city in the U.S.

After high school I was off to Greenville, N.C. home of the ECU Pirates. I attended a community college for a while and soon found myself just sort of fumbling through life and then I was blessed with a son. Wyatt was born in 2008 and became the center of my world. Just two months after he was born I began prerequisites for nursing school and in the Fall of 2009 I was accepted into the ADN program at Nash Community College in Rocky Mount. I graduated in 2011, I soon took a job at what is now called Vidant Medical Center in Greenville, N.C. so Wyatt and I found a small apartment on the outskirts of Greenville.

My mom then encouraged me to join Match.com and I rarely checked it, I would occasionally log on and see who was my match of the day. On one particular day when I logged in there he was, Jason, he came up as my MOTD and when I clicked on his profile it told me he worked at the same hospital. Out of curiosity I sent him a message and asked where he worked. Turns out he worked two floors above me, we rode the same elevator to our floors every day. When he responded he also sent a request for dinner which I eventually said yes to and the rest is history. We were married eight months later. The following July we moved across the state to Asheville, N.C. in order to be closer to his daughter. In 2015 and 2017 we added our daughter Evelyn whom we call “Evie” and Andrew whom we call Andy. I sincerely hope you’ll check out the blog often as we are constantly on the move. Our biggest joy a part from our children is renovating our home and yard as well as crafting items for our home.

~Tracy